Intro: My Shadow Explains Evolution of WoMankind through Time Machine Travel
My Shadow presumes to explain WoMankind evolution based upon a book we once read and barely remember. My Shadow, however, proceeds with the opulence of the deep, inner wisdom only shadows may posses.
The evolution of WoMankind from the sludge and slime, to the crawling animals, apes, cavemen up to today's modern generic, seems to be precariously balanced upon the precipice of technology vs artificial life vs the natural world of survival of the species and natural selection.
The age of technology greets mankind with a dubious range of life and style choices with which to go forth into the future crap shoot of enlightenment or destiny of dark.
Modern generic WoMankind stand at the edge of a well fortified precipice lined with padded rails and safety nets and monitored 24/7 to prevent impulsive inadvertence.
Evolution and Future of WoMankind
As we advance from ancestral drudgery of water-fetching, rug-beating, club welding, knife-throwing and sword play into modern-day conveniences; vacuum cleaners, dish-washers, microwaves, ready-to-eat meals, all enjoyed from the comfort of the rocker-recliner in front of the big-screen TV, we press imaginary buttons to send bombs on the imaginary enemy while enjoying Star Wars radar-rayguns, robot cyborgs and dreaming of powerful implants and effortless space travel.
Factions divide through culinary delights.
- Carnivores: Meat eaters. Can survive solely on consumption of raw flesh
- Omnivores: Enjoy range of food fare from meat to insects to plant material
- Herbivores: Can consume and digest only plant matter, applies to Vegetarians, Vegans
- Synthetic: Artificial. As science "progresses" and our bodies become ever more Borg-like, artificial supplements will be necessary
Everyone's gotta eat, after all.
Carnivores, hungry, blood thirsty, hunters of prey, tearers and renders of flesh, occupy the apex of the food chain.
- Generally produce the fewest offspring of the animal kingdom
- Must kill in order to eat
- Lays claim to territory
- Get booed in televised animal chases
- Become exotic pets
- Provide red necks their grand final moments
- Eat everything not locked up
- Vegetarians - skirt the rules, say things about eating things with faces and cheese.
- Vegans - vegetables, tubers, legumes, grains and fruits, have really skinny arms
Global Warming, Climate Change
Through the forces of nature as Earth resists our impact and fights to restore illusive balance between terra-formation and allowing life to thrive, woMankind frantically grasps to lay blame and effect change.
Increases in Earth's temperature leads to increases in humidity, vegetation, water levels and an entire kitchen sink-load of woes for woMankind in general.
What to do, What to do?
Along with rising heat comes ferocious storms and driving rains to melt all the ice and turn the planet into a steaming atrarium filled with jungles of vegetation and gazillions of new insect life.
What's the solution?
Ban everything that feels good, tastes good, is convenient, unnecessary.
Well, that and more...
Make illegal anything unearthed larger than a fat truffle.
Bring back hemp so WoMankind may happily live in Yurts with clean dirt floors and inexpensive natural lighting.
Ban Pollution-Producing Crops & Livestock
Make allegedly pollution producers pay through the proverbial nose. Only the wealthy may enjoy such delicacies as T-Bone steaks and Filet Minon, along with white bread, mashed potatoes and creamy gravy.
Price food out of the reach of the average hoi poloi which will force the great unwashed into cravings for yeast-free, gluton-free, low-calorie, no-sugar, no-salt, nutrition bars lovingly formed by the very machines which put the consumer out of the business of independency.
Future shadows will clamor in obedience for the allottment of feed properly machinated for human consumption.
No longer will WoMankind suffer the indignities of time-consuming and laborious chores of food preparation and cleanup.
Future kitchenettes will feature food molds in the form of happy-face cows, pig and chickens in which to press protein mixes of questionable origins blended with supplement vitamins and questionable additives for microwave processing to festoon feasts of pure genetically altered insect-proof, decay-free vegetation.
- Yokeless Eggs
- Boneless Mystery Lab Grown Meat
- Protein packs
- Gassed produce with no apologies for lack of taste
- Dissolvable tableware
Ban carnivores to the fringes.
Diet Determines Skull Shape
As is obvious to the most clueless of shadows, the jaw tells the tale of the wearer.
No matter the shape or form or added ingredients, the feline will not consume the blueberry muffin.
Nor will the cow ingest brain matter willingly, as evidenced by Mad Cow syndrome my shadow reminds.
This fact of life serves as no small deterrant to the shadow with scientific knowledge steeped in monetary fluids and allowed to harden with age.
The carnivore doeth carn with voracious abandon upon the carcasses of herb eating herbivore, carnivore and omnivore alike.
My Shadow beseeches how to curtail the killing gene when all things die to be consumed.
Carnivore = Meat Eater
Food, glorious food. Hold the sausage and mustard.
The quality, self-respecting carnivore may survive quite nicely on meat, warm, pure, fresh, raw and bloody. Yum. No blueberry puppy treats necessary.
The ever-attentive carnivore lives apart, on the outskirts, from the madding crowd of duck calls, bleating sheep and thundering hooves preferring instead the occasional visitation of the curious, the foolish, old and sick...or newborn.
consumers of flesh who refuse to adapt to blueberry flavored protein substitutes will have no quarter in the new world, instead will be banned, shunned and delegated into hiding, preferably burrowing deep underground out of sight of civilization.
Carnivores innocent by virtue of birth and low intelligence quotients relegated to wild life sanctuaries, zoos and private hunting grounds of the wealthiest of WoMankind carnivores and other depraved flesh-craving scavengers.
Piercing eyes: placement of which in face front for optimum depth perception.
- Teeth: Sharp for biting tearing
- Beaks and claws to rend flesh from bone
- Jaws: strong to crush bones and consume nutritious bone marrow
Herbivores, Consume Vegetation
As increases in vegetation, abundence of water, higher temperatures spreads, carnivores will become as wildlife in China, scarce, crowded out, hunted and ultimately eliminated from the visible landscape.
Herbivores consume vegetation only. Plants, trees, algae, fungus, leaves, flowers...
Grazers, preferring to travel in herd communities for safety in numbers with well-placed look-outs always on alert for the pesky carnivore in search of a light snack.
Have Big Ears - the better to hear you with my dear...oh wait...
Eyes to the side for panoramic viewpoints
Jaws filled with teeth suitable for grinding seeds and grains into the consistency of run of the mill cow-patties and rabbit pellets.
The Future Ratio of Carnivore vs Herbivore
As vegetation encompasses, enter the Frugivore, the fruit-eating herbivore will provide the new divide within society. Will Vegans shun Frugivores? Only my Shadow's time travel will tell.
Wildlife sanctuarians will enshrine wild-life, for our own protection and prohibit contact with, influence by, and definitely no harvesting. Future zoos fund through tour groups reserved years in advance, habitat for WoMankind reverts to above-ground super-cities filled with sterile technological, germ and organism free wonders of dull curiosities to appease needs of pampered and pedicure masses.
7 Wonders of the New World
- Fast Food entertainment/food stations with slight regard for the occasional cultural and religious throwback
- 5 Star resort hotels with views of oceans from pools of purified water
- Well Lit and paved virtual wildlife paths for the 3-D inclined
- Padded playgrounds where the occasional, accidental child may bounce harmlessly
- Soft toys for the blue-blanket anxiety laden denied the luxury of pollution-producing household pets
- Soft, nutritionally supercharged, taste-free foods to ensure maximum elimination efficiency
- Soft entertainment with no reference to race, creed, color, infirmity
Carnivores, scavengers retreat underground and form communities for safety in numbers, eventually construct series of tunnels for safe travel and ultimate, quick and efficient surface hunting opportunities
The Future Humans
As documented by none other than time traveler H. G. Wells, the final battle takes place between the Herbivores (Eloi) and Carnivores Morlock).
Well, not so much as a battle really, more like a kinder, gentler harvesting by the Morlocks, of happy, disease-free, oblivious surface dwelling Eloi, accustomed to fresh foods delivered and other luxuries offered through the 7 Wonders.
Tunnel-cave dwelling carnivores - ape-like troglodytes live in darkness underground.
Hunt Eloi at night.
The shining result of WoMankind's ultimate technological triumph over nature.
Do no work, live in advanced but deteriorating buildings, feed upon fruits and vegetables secreted into Eloi community feeding stations through a vast Morlock underground network.
The Deleted Chapter
We would not know the future had it not been for the perserverence of my shadow who expertly unearthed the final clue, the deleted chapter of the Time Machine...by reading the wikipedia page all the way to the bottom of the page and clicked upon the link entitled "The Deleted text" only to discover:
The Grey Man
The omnivore, the illusive scavenger, the forgotten species in the Time Machine, the ultimate evolutionary stop for WoMankind...
Characteristics: will eat everything.
Omnivore Combination Predator & Prey
Omnivores are the inbetweeners.
Inbetween blood and meat craving carnivore savages and bleating, grazing cud-chewing, cow-paddy producing herbivores.
Eat everything - goes for second helpings
Big, medium and small ears
Sharp and dull teeth
Suburb sense of smell
Wildlife omnivores will scrap amongst each other as vegetation, water-levels increase. Bans on hunting in protected vegetarian wildlife habitats lands all inattentive omnivores in omnivore wildlife habitats where they will eventually evolve into blueberry biscuit eating vegetarians.
Omnivore - The Grey Man
Fast forward another million years, the Time Traveler discovers the existence of The Grey Man.
Described as furry, hopping herbivores resembling small kangaroos but with the head and hair of a Skye Terrier dog.
This the pinacle ofWoMankind evolution. Success.
- grey in color
- resembe small kangaroos
- head and mane of the Skye Terrier
- eats everything
The Grey man travels in vast herd-like communities.
The creature was friendly and readily approached the Time Traveler, so as goes the DoDo, the traveler was obliged to kill it with a rock if only to see what was inside the little beast...and the traveler being from the beastly age...it couldn't be helped.
Forgotten in the tale is the existence of the lowly insect in this increasingly, persistently vegetative state of WoMankind. Increasing oxygen content and warming climes...
Enter insect predator.
- Eats everyone
- 30 feet long or more
- a multitude of feet
Future Devolution WoMankind
The Omnivore: the Grey Man..vs the Insect herbivore
Giant 30 foot long centipede.